A Special Place in Hell

Madeleine Albright, the former US Secretary of State and the first woman to attain this position, famously declared that ‘there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help each other’. While I agree with the sentiment, I think the statement is a little over dramatic. For starters, some women don’t believe in hell; so this is not much of a motivator for women that fall into that category. However, I suppose one could understand her frustration, which probably came out of experiencing, or witnessing situations, when that support from other women had been sought and not gained.

Many women do not support women aspiring for leadership positions in governance, or at the work place. When I ask why, people give the story of one woman boss that their friend’s, aunty’s uncle worked for, and how it was a ‘hellish’ experience. Others wind their hands over their head several times, click their fingers in the ‘tufiakwa’ (god forbid) gesture, and declare that it is not their portion to have a female boss. Many of these people are women themselves.

What we don’t realise (especially women) is that everyone hears what we say about female leaders being bad, and this influences their opinion. We shape people’s consciousness by the things we say. The more we say God forbid for other women, the more we disqualify ourselves from having the opportunity to progress, because we are reinforcing the culture which accepts that women should not be leaders because we become ‘dragons’ when we lead.

I will categorically refute that statement and say, women leaders are not dragons. Rather, women have a different style from men, and that needs to be recognised. The more females we have in leadership, the more we normalise what female leadership looks like in its varying forms.

So, my fellow woman, before you say ‘tufiakwa’ in your next conversation about female bosses, female political leaders, female religious, female military leaders etc., before you lift those hands to snap your fingers together, pause for a moment and think about how you are supporting a culture, that will disqualify you from progressing into senior leadership positions, in many spheres of life in the Nigerian society or wherever you are located. If you don’t care about yourself, then please, think of our children and let your hand drop quietly back to your side. Thanks in advance.

Riddle Me This

Here is a riddle for you: A father and a son are in a car accident, the father does not survive and the son is badly injured. An ambulance takes the son to the hospital where the surgeon cries out, ‘’I cannot operate, because this boy is my son’’. Who is the surgeon? 

Confused? I was too the first time I heard the riddle. Soooooo confused. I couldn’t understand who the surgeon was because his father was clearly dead. The answer: His mum of course. Not his grandfather or uncle or some other male relative, or a ghost (that was a true response, ha ha). 

On reflection that is the obvious answer, but most people like myself carry unconscious bias about gender and specific roles which males and females play in society, or the jobs which they perform. Why do we automatically think ‘he’ when we talk about a government official or an engineer? Why do we automatically think ‘she’ when someone refers to a receptionist or team assistant? History shows that these roles may have been done in majority strictly by males or females in the past, but things have changed a lot in the last 30 years globally. I am sure many of us are now aware or personally know male nurses, female engineers and mathematicians, male receptionists, female mechanics and bus drivers etc. The US statistic is that 1/3 or surgeons are women and in Nigeria, the number of female doctors are not a minority in the set of doctors, so why do these biases remain?

More importantly, how can we change mindsets? As we drive towards #genderequality and seek to right the balance for ourselves and our children (male and female), in our work places and at home, it is important for us all (male and female) to look inward and seek to understand the biases that we carry in us, to ensure that we aren’t feeding them forward to our future generations. 

I envision a world where our children hear that riddle and think instinctively, his mum of course, duhhhh!!! That would be an absolute result. So lets all lean in and do our bit 😀. As the saying goes, little drops of water.......

P.S: I am so curious to hear what your initial thought of who the surgeon was when you heard the riddle. It will be fun to know. Inbox me if you are too shy