Stand Up and Be Counted

You! Yes you, not the person behind you. I am speaking to you.

Are you surprised that I am speaking to you? Why, because you are female? 

You are surprised that I am asking you to lean in, to play your part?

Don't tell me you are thinking, ''I am just a girl.''

Is that so? You think I should speak to the boys. You think that these sort of opportunities should only be given to male folk? You accept that females are largely ignored and you believe the lie that we should just take the passenger seat? You really believe that our role in life is to support from behind, to be seen and not heard, to be the neck holding the 'head' up. To be in the living room, kitchen and the other room only. You really believe all that?

Well, let me tell you that you mustn't think like that. You are more than a passenger. 

You can be more. 

You should be more. 

You have the right to be more even though everyone tells you that you can't because you are female. 

Why settle to be a passenger, when you have what it takes to be the pilot of your destiny? You are made to have a positive impact on lives, your community and the world. Please don't settle for less.

You are smiling at me. Do you think that I am lying to you? 

Ok. Look around you. Many women around the world are standing up and being counted. Let me just name a few of our kind that are making an impact on the world in our era.

I will start with Linda Ikeji. You know her right? Yes, she is that self-made media mogul who has created jobs for thousands of young Nigerians. People have tried to pull her down, they have tried to reduce her success to nothing because she isn't married. People make out that marriage is the ultimate achievement of women. That isn't true, marriage is not an accomplishment, it is a choice.

Let's move on swiftly to Leymah Gbowee, a Liberian peace activist partly responsible for ending the conflict in Liberia. What about Ellen Johnson Sirleaf, the first female president of Liberia or Aung San Suu Kyi, a female activist, jailed for speaking out and who now leads the National Democratic League party of Myanmar formerly known as Burma. 

Shall I go on?

No need?

You get the picture, right?

You are asking me about societal expectations for women? Oh! Do you mean what people say about women needing a man to protect them, men being the bread winner, women being demure, women's biggest achievement being marriage and all that?  

Never mind about those silly expectations. They are based on stereotypes. Stereotypes are social constructs intended to keep people chained to what others want them to be. Don't get me wrong, some social rules are important, in fact essential but some are based on useless and outdated myths and should be ignored. Some people largely benefit from maintaining the status quo and work hard to prevent change.  Don't be a prisoner to their myths and legends, break free. Challenge unfairness and discrimination, seek truth and don't let anyone keep you from being true to yourself and from realising your full potential.

You are worried that you might fail when you try? So what if that happens? 

You will learn from your failures about your  strengths like so many others before you. To never fail is to never learn. Embrace challenge, push the boundaries of your box. Therein lies the path to success and happiness.

Ok, I need to go now but I must say one last thing; Females are not second class citizens, we are first class too and we deserve the same access to opportunities as our male folk. We deserve to be treated with fairness and respect and you must believe this if you want to overcome prejudice and excel in your chosen path.

Always remember that.

See you later.

Written for Youandmeroundtable.com 

http://youandmeroundtable.com/stand-up-and-be-counted/

The Evils of Girl Child Marriage

Child marriage is child abuse. It is an injustice that deprives young girls of the chance of getting educated. Child marriage often results in the loss of the opportunity to realise a future as independent women who are in charge of their destinies.

Child marriage deprives the world of talent. Think about it, among the many child brides could be that person that would have discovered the cure for a particular disease or brokered peace deals between warring communities, and many could have gone on create solutions that would impact their communites for good. All that disappears with child marriage.

Child marriage in poor countries is the greatest contributing factor in a woman developing fistula. These injuries associated with child birth by children, result in the girls and women being ostracised from their communities because of their incontinence. These cases could be largely avoided if child marriage was stoped.

Child marriage is one of the factors that underpins gender discrimination.  Young girls who are married off as children are unlikely to get educated. Uneducated women typically don't know about their rights and even if they did, they would find it nigh impossible to assert those rights in their communities because they depend on others for survival. They can only survive by  remaining quiet.

Child marriage is theft, theft of possibilities  and opportunities that young girls could have. Unfortunately, this is the reality for many girls, but it doesn't have to continue. 

Let's stand together to say no to child marriage. Let us tell all the young girls we know that marriage is not the ultimate achievement. Encourage them to be more for themselves,  to aspire for excellence and use their natural talents to thrive and contribute to their communities.

Watch Run, a documentary on girl child marriage here
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:RUN.webmu

Where are the Women in Nigerian Politics?

Most women aware of the state of our nation Nigeria, when it comes to the value placed on females in our society. The recent failure of the passage of the Gender and equal opportunities bill, and the increasing spate of violence against females leaves us in no doubt of the place assigned to women's issues; clearly at the bottom of the heap. Regardless of the power of social media in exposing these ills, females remain relegated to second class citizenship and our cries continue to fall on deaf ears, resulting in untold frustration within the female population.

Why does this continue to happen? Why don't women rise up and take control of the situation? Why don't women vote more competent women leaders into electoral positions?

For starters, we live in a patriarchal society where men still own and control majority of the economic resources despite the fact that there are more females than men in the population. Most females would not rock the boat because their garri and soup literally depends on the relationship that they maintain with the men in their lives. Also since men hold most of the money, and vast sums of money are required for engaging in politics, resources tend not to be readily available for females who wish to engage in politics.

Secondly, majority of females have been taught, a teaching emphasised by many of our mothers, that a woman's place is beneath a man and that she is nothing without a man to cover and protect her. Seeking political office or power is seen to contravene this belief and the few women engaging in politics are considered as being irresponsible and in extreme cases, accused of being women of poor virtue.

Additionally, the education of females in many families is frowned on and seen as a waste of the family resources, which results in a huge number of females missing out on the opportunity to get an education and gain independence. Independent women can make decisions for themselves about whether they can vote and who to vote for.  Fewer independent women is a factor that  affects the success of women seeking political office.

Finally, men and women in our society have also been unconsciously trained to distrust females in authority through the vehicle of gender stereotyping. Very often, we hear women in leadership being torn down because society judges leadership behaviour that is acceptable for men as a negative trait in women. For example, a male leader may be described as 'determined' while a female showing the same character trait will be described as being 'aggressive'. Women are expected to be nurturing rather than leading and as a result, society finds it difficult to accept women who aspire to leadership positions. This in itself is one of the greatest barriers to progressing women into societal leadership roles.

In the past, questions about the absence of females in leadership positions were not usually asked. Women either accepted what was seen as fate or discussed it in small groups with no result. Thankfully, with the rise of the use of Facebook and other social media tools, women are no longer consigned to huddle and complain bitterly. females are becoming aware, due to cross cultural exchanges from various media platforms, that we are not second class and that we should be partners with men in deciding our collective destiny. Our voices of discontent are growing and people are sitting up and beginning to take notice. The fact that the gender and equal opportunities bill was written is testament to the times that we live in.


So, what next? How can the problem of women taking backstage in political leadership be solved? How can the issues that females face on a daily basis be resolved? What part can we play in changing the situation over and beyond constantly speaking about it within our clusters and in the public domain? How can we create a wave of change to suit the female population?

Politics in Nigeria has always and continues to remain a male reserve. females have always been discouraged from taking any interest in politics. The average female on the street would shy away from actively participating beyond voting. As a result, the few women who venture into seeking elected positions are seen to deviate from the expected behaviour and hence are frowned on by society - the media do them no favours and the polity do their best to reduce them to cooks and pleasure providers for men at every turn. The statistics corroborate this, only 9 of the 108 senators are women and a similar ratio exists for the house of representatives. The situation is appalling. With such a small ratio, it is very obvious why female-centric bills would fail to make it across the house floor.

If women are to have a fighting chance at getting our voices heard at the national level, the perception that 'politics is only for men' needs to be changed and women must get into leadership positions within all levels of society.  It is crystal clear that by having more competent women elected into office, women can shape the future of our society and ensure that we become valued members within it.

So I enjoin you woman, get involved today. Get some political education and see where it could take you.

Whose Side Are We on?

A woman has the right to her body. It is her own not anyone else's. She has the right to dress it, move it, give it or withhold it whenever she pleases. It is her fundamental human right, nothing changes that, not even marriage. 

It doesn't matter what she wears. It doesn't matter that she stays out late at night. It doesn't matter that she drinks and flirts with you. It doesn't matter that she is on her own. It doesn't matter that she is your wife, girlfriend or partner. It doesn't matter that she walks a certain way or talks a certain way. It doesn't matter that she said yes the first time. Rape is never the survivors fault.

Rape is theft of a higher kind. It is a violation of body and soul and there is not and can never be any justification for it. It is a crime. 

If you are one who is quick to judge survivors, know this, you are standing on the side as the perpetrators and you are supporting a culture of silence which allows rapists to continue undeterred. 

Nobody wants to be stolen from, as you would not accuse the victim of theft, so you should never ever accuse a rape survivor of inviting rape.  Before you judge, STOP!!! And think. It could be your mother, sister, friend, granny etc. Tomorrow.

Join the conversation, #speakoutagainstrape and break the culture of silence.

She

I am a woman.

Was I created to be 

beaten and cheated on by a he?

I am a woman.

Why should I be found

underneath rather than beside,

Why am I thus bound?

I am a woman.

Why must I embrace

Mediocrity and false humility 

So he may save face?

I am a woman.

must I spend endless nights on my own?

Yet still bend,

Into all shapes and sizes when he returns,

To avoid the wrath of his anger

and not get badly burned.

Why should I be taunted when he does me wrong,

by the throng that should make me strong?

Why should I be blamed when he steals from me,

the very essence of my femininity?

What should I do when I am terrified at my job,

because my boss says the sight of me makes him throb?

Who will speak for me when I am murdered,

by my brothers because 'I was out of order'?

Is it right that I should be so abused, 

just because I've been accused

of being the Genesis of the downfall of man?

Oh my goodness, I am just one woman!!

You tell me, 'it's tradition' and I ask 'So'?

You say, 'it's the way it's always been' and I say, 'No'!

I only want to live my life like you,

I want access to freedoms and opportunities too!

I am sick and tired of playing second fiddle.

The answer isn't difficult, it's not a riddle.

So hear me now, give me a break.

The time has come, make no mistake.

Listen friend, do as you should.

Don't remain silent, help me lift this shroud.

Stand beside me, hold my hand,

and walk with me into the promised land.

The promised land of equality,

Where I'll become the She I was truly made to be.

Anuli Marshall

6th January 2016