Is This Why We are Angry?

Angry Nigerian women. They are everywhere; in our schools, places of worship, work places, markets, shops, streets and even our homes. They come in every female form imaginable and manifest as wives, daughters, sisters, mothers, aunties.  They are our bosses, colleagues, domestic servants, leaders wives, religious leaders wives, neighbours, friends etc. etc. I can guarantee that every woman reading this post can identify at least one angry woman in their life. I will even go as far to say that each of us at one point in our lives may have demonstrated this angry woman syndrome or may demonstrate it when the conditions become right.

So why is the average Nigerian woman so angry? Why does she feel the need to be aggresive in her affairs? Why does a female boss suppress female colleagues? Why as a friend does she feel the need to be aggresive to remain on top her group of friends? Why as a woman studying does she feel the need to push extremely hard? Why must she lash out at others for no apparent reason when asked a simple question? Why does she feel the need to discredit friends or colleagues so that she remains the only woman celebrated? Why does she think she has to speak back rudely to women in authority or beat up her domestic servant just to show who is boss?

The answer is not a simple one and there are many factors that play a role but my theory is that over and above living in a difficult environment like Nigeria, where most people are in 'survival of the fittest mode', the biggest factor that plays a part is inequality and the suppression of women.

Nigeria is a patriachal society with many rules for women still enforced. For instance, even though many women are now in the professional workspace and are capable earners, most people still ascribe their success to the men in their lives. On the surface such comments may seem harmless, but most people know that recognition and reward for work well done is part of what drives people on to be better and achieve more. Now imagine that recognition being belittled all the time. Any normal person over time would become frustrated but in a society where we veil our sorrows with endless smiles and deference, the frustration can take root and start to build up. When issues are not addressed and the pressure becomes too much, there is an uncontrolled release of energy and usually in the form of an angry outburst. This is just one example. There are so many instances where women are told that irrespective of what they are or what they have achieved through grit, they are nothing without a man or that they only achieved it because of a man and this continues unabated, millions of times over across  communities at epidemic porportions. No wonder so many women are angry. 

Unfortunately, because women are taught from a young age that men are kings, it is difficult for us to express anger and frustration against the 'kings' for fear of being left on the shelf (if single) or of being told off for not being submissive (if married), or of being blacklisted at work by our bosses or colleagues. We contort ourselves into all kinds of shapes to please the men in our lives, even when they are belittling us, cheating on us or hitting us and as we do so, the pressure builds up. So where do we turn to vent our pent up rage? Other women of course! Majority of the victims of angry women are fellow women. 

What shall we say then? Is all hope lost? Not at all. Women don't need to remain angry because at the end of the day, we are in control of our emotions and we can do something about the way we feel. We may not be able to eliminate inequality right now, but while we continue to struggle, we will benefit much by taking time out to understand what causes us so much grief and start working on ways to respectfully challenge the treatment that makes us start feeling angry and frustrated in the first place. Standing up for our achievements as women is one sure way of reducing the source of anger. When someone tries to belittle our achievements, or make us feel like we only got to where we are because of a man, rather than because of our competence and hardwork, we need to respectfully correct them. Women need to get these people who try to belittle us on the back foot. Its time to remove the veil of deference and let society know that we are succesful individuals in our own right and not because we are tied to any man. Of course our men support us by giving us space to achieve what we do but the hardwork and determination are ours. So next time someone tries to belittle your achievements, give them some nice feedback and see the look on their faces. Oh, dont forget to take a pic and share. Lets nip the source of anger in the bud and instead channel all that energy positively towards building each other up for a stronger and happier society.

Long live the happy Nigerian woman!

Disclaimer: I am not a psychologist so I may not have identified the full gamut of causes of this 'angry woman' syndrome. My analysis is quite simplistic and doesnt touch on more complex points. I also recognise that upbringing and worldview may have a part to play but I have focused on the cause of inequality only in this post. 

It would be good to hear your thoughts on this so please leave a comment.