More Than the Space Between Her Legs

A girl, who is a girl?

Is a girl only defined by her DNA? A product of the merger of X and Y chromosomes during conception? Is all that she is, and will become, tied to the space where her legs meet? Should her future depend on her physical beauty, the symmetry of her features, and how she can package them? Should a girl’s only option be to become a wife and a mother of children? Or should she just grant President Buhari his wish and belong to a man's kitchen, his living room and the 'other room'?

Can a girl aspire for more and can she be more?

The answer to that is a resounding yes!!!!! A female is certainly more than the space between her legs. Apart from a vagina and mammary glands, a woman has a brain and a soul, emotions, desires, a will to do, the ability to self-reflect and a desire to achieve goals just like a man.

If the above is true, then why on earth do millions of females in Nigeria and the world over believe that they should never aspire to be more? Why are they deterred from chasing their dreams through the boundaries that our society has set? Why aren’t they more females in top job? Why  don’t we have more female politicians, engineers, vice chancellors, judges, CEO's ? Why don't we demand better treatment? No harassment at work, equal pay, more maternity leave and job security for mothers? Why do we agree with the societal belief that a woman is nothing unless attached to a man be it her father or her husband? This is the reasonbehind the mad rush to get married before they become 'old and desperate'. For some, the attainment of the ‘Mrs’ title is the most important achievement of any female. 

Many of us are all too aware that due to societal pressure, a large number of women have ended up in unhappy marriages, becoming victims of domestic abuse. They are too afraid to leave because they would be made to feel inadequate for losing that much desired title of 'Mrs'. No one can fully comprehend the damage that many have suffered from the consequences of rushing into marriage. No one can fully account for the broken lives that have resulted from this lie that women are inferior.

The truth is - WE ARE EQUAL,

Just pause for a moment and reflect on that.

A woman is not an appendage of a man; females are made for a purpose. This does not mean that a female cannot appreciate, love and work together with men; rather it means that a female should know that she is not a second class citizen, or a passenger in this life. A female must engage and drive her own destiny. She must be responsible for herself, have her own dreams and actualise those dreams through education, and hard work in a level playing field. A level playing field is one in which both males and females have access to the same opportunities and resources required to succeed and realise their dreams and goals. A level playing field is only possible when gender equality is achieved.

So, what does gender equality truly mean, and what part can we play in achieving it? 

Many people shy away from discussion about equality because they have a misunderstanding of what it is. So let me clear the air.  Gender equality, in the truest sense, is an ideology that seeks to achieve the same opportunities, and give access to the same resources for everyone. For example, all children should have equal access to education. A male child should not be favoured over a female child, or vice versa, and a female child should not be prevented from receiving education because she will eventually get married into another family. Gender equality does not call for women to try to become men, rather it is about women being able to have the same freedom as men to use their talents and express their preferences in creating a happy existence for themselves. In any case, men and women are completely different beings . We each have unique strengths and weaknesses, and trying to become what we are not, will only result in woeful failure. That said, we share many characteristics which means that women can, and should, engage in all areas of human endeavour as our abilities allow.

For instance, women should be free to run for political leadership positions without fearing the backlash of disapproval from the society.  Women should not be harassed by the police because they are out at night, or labelled prostitutes simply because they decide to have a nice time out on the town without a male chaperon. If a man is free to enjoy the nightlife unescorted, why is a woman treated any differently? These are just some examples that expose the inequality of our society.

Make no mistake, men are victims of gender inequality too, and creating a society built on equality will free men from the shackles imposed upon them. An example of the freedom they could experience is being rid of the incorrect societal belief that men cannot be victims of domestic or sexual violence.

So what’s next?

In my opinion, everyone, especially women, have a part to play in creating a more equitable society.

How can we do this?

We can start by changing the way we think of ourselves, and of women in general, and start to understand that we have talent, we have skill and we matter. We must get rid of the old way of thinking. Of the inherited stereotypes that keep us locked-up as second class citizens.

Secondly, we should work to influence the people around us and encourage them through respectful discourse to view females differently. We must teach our sons to start viewing, and treating, females as individuals worthy of respect in their own right. We must teach our daughters to value their skills and talents, to gain confidence in their abilities by getting engaged in sports, politics and current affairs We need to encourage our girls to read, read, and keep reading to gain knowledge in all areas as a means of understanding the world and building self-confidence. We must never tell our girls that marriage is the ultimate achievement; rather we must encourage them to explore life and gain experiences to develop themselves into well rounded individuals who will contribute to building up their communities.

Finally females should support other women who seek political and social leadership positions; not just because they are women, but because they are competent women. If we are to see any changes in society in terms of equality at the Federal level, we need to increase the diversity of thought in the Senate and House of Representatives where Bills are passed. We can do this by ensuring that we support an increase in the numbers of women who are elected into political office. The more representation we have by people like us, who understand our needs and empathise with us, the more we have a chance of achieving our goal of gender equality.

Change is never easy but it can be won. A Chinese proverb says that a journey of a thousand miles starts with one step. Take that step today and start effecting the change you want to see in the world.

Let us do our bit to promote gender equality and make our society a fairer place for the future generations.