The Bedrock of Inclusion

Yesterday, I had a meeting with a colleague at work. What we met about was important and thankfully, we got resolution. I left the room not thinking of the outcome of the meeting, rather, I was thinking about a characteristic that my colleague displayed. She has tonnes of it and I prayed that I could become more like her. The characteristic that she displayed was empathy. Empathy, in simple terms is the ability to consciously try to understand how another might be feeling as they go through an experience. Empathy is what makes us think about others feelings and often drives a correction of thinking and subsequently, behaviour.

As I reflected on her behaviours, I thought to myself how important empathy is to understanding and working to correct inequality of all forms. It helps when one can make time to understand how unjust treatment based on preconceptions and bias, can cause pain for the person experiencing the treatment. This understanding is the bedrock of inclusivity. It is what drives people to change their behaviours which consequently impacts positively on others.

To put it into context, I will tell a story of a young girl who is found to be pregnant in secondary school. The typical response from the staff, parents, neighbours, family members would be a lot of shouting, shaming, blaming etc., and the girl would typically be suspended or expelled from school. Now let’s say that you are this young girl, take a moment to think about how you are feeling. Think about the emotions that would run through your mind on the discovery that at 15, you are pregnant? Think about the fear, the anxiety, confusion about the situation, and sorrow for your uncertain future. 

Think about all the feelings of loss and disappointment which the people who have invested in you will feel and project onto you.  Think about the disadvantage you would be at when you get suspended or expelled from school, knowing that the likelihood of your return to education is reduced, especially if you are from a deprived background. Think about the impact on your future and how your chance for independence through securing financial stability is evaporating. Think about the impact on the child you would bear, from having a disadvantaged and under educated mother. What awaits the child in future from not having financial security? Then think about how the shouting, shaming, punishment, screaming will make you feel over and above how you already feel. You know that none of this shouting or shaming words will make the situation better, it would just make the whole experience worse for you and possibly your child; medical science now tells us that a baby in the womb is subject to the emotions of the mother. Now you have a glimpse into this young girls emotional state. 

Now let’s change role. Think of yourself as an influential member of staff. After putting yourself in her shoes to get a glimpse of how she is feeling, of her anxiety and troubled state, would you act different to the norm? Would you let the drama carry on or would you think about how to solve the problem for her knowing her fragile emotional state? Would you take the time to find out what happened and think about how to manage the situation better so that the girl can be spared the additional and unnecessary pain? Would you think up options that would enable the girl to get the support she needs to come out the other end successfully or would you follow the default custom and practice and throw her out of school? The empathetic person would treat her based on how they would want to be treated if they were in her circumstances. Empathy would make sure that the right solution was worked out for the girl. 

So just think about that for a moment, and then think about how this applies to times when we witness unfair treatment being meted out to people based on gender. Think, if I were that young woman, being insulted because at 30, I haven’t married someone, or if I were that young man, being driven to frustration and anxiety because I might lose the girl of my dreams by not being able to cough up the demanded bride price. Think if I were an ambitious and hard working woman, but i am being harassed by my boss for sex to get my next grade rise at work, or the young man who is scared to tell his friends and family, that his wife is verbally and physically abusing him because of what society expects of him as a ‘Man’. 

To end, I will ask you a question, and I hope that you think deeply about it. Now that you understand the part that empathy plays, will you make a conscious effort to act differently when you witness others being treated badly because they are one gender or the other, will you be courageous and stand up against it?